She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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