I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
