I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
