I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
