How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
