I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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