my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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