We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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