i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
