My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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