Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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