im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
