he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
