we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
