He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
