I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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