I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
