i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
