At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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