Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
false alarm, still single
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize