I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
