just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
