I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
