My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
