Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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