I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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