hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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