I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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