So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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