someone threw a dead crab at me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
