So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
