well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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