I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
