Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
