How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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