your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish you could order shots online.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
