Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
