was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
