Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
