She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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