so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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