just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My pussy is not your playground.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
