Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
