I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
