I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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