Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
