Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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