what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
as a side note pls kill me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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