so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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