Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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