I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
