yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
