Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
