Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
