Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
