Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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