I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize