Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
