i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
