i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
