i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
