woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
