listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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