Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
