I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
