and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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