we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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