I'm going to jail i love you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
